A Crash Course in Ninjutsu
by Lycropath
Summary: Sixteen year old ramen cook Naruto never really dreamed the life of a ninja was for him and was content to work with his family at Ichiraku Ramen. But when the famous Toad Sage offered him a chance at destiny how could he say no? I mean its not everyday destiny was on the look out for an out of shape noodle cook!


**Crash Course in Ninjutsu**

_Sixteen year old ramen cook Naruto never really dreamed the life of a ninja was for him and was content to work with his family at Ichiraku Ramen. But when the famous Toad Sage offered him a chance at destiny how could he say no? I mean its not everyday destiny was on the look out for an out of shape noodle cook!_

* * *

_Chapter 1: An Orientation in Ninja_

It was day like any other at Ichiraku Ramen. Naruto stifled a yawn as he groggily marched himself to the bathroom to get himself ready for work, the morning always started just after dawn to prep the shop for the day which wasn't easy for an out of shape sixteen year old boy, but he knew better then to risk trying to sleep in. His father Teuchi wasn't a large or particularly intimidating man in fact nine times out of ten he looked downright jovial with his greying hair and smiling eyes. But Teuchi was a craftsman who took pride in his work and if Naruto was slacking, his dad wouldn't be afraid to motivate him.

Naruto understood though, he took pride in his work too. He just wished he could take pride in it at more reasonable hour.

Naruto finished gussying up, washing off his tanned and whiskered face, and straightened out his apron over his good uniform. He looked over his appearance giving himself his own wink of approval with one of his electric blue eyes, its true he wasn't exactly the most well sculpted guy but he knew he had a handsome enough face and with the time honed charm he acquired from running the front of house would occasionally award him a big tip from a blushing kunoichi or two. He tied his favorite black and white striped bandanna pushing his sunflower blond hair back. The tongue lashing he got last time his dad had heard one of the customers complain finding one of his hairs in the soup was still fresh in his mind, but he'd still be damned if he wore one of those embarrassing hats.

"Naruto! Your father's waiting for you in the kitchen already!" Naruto heard his mother Natsuki call from downstairs, so he headed down into the first floor of their quaint little house. Natsuki was there waiting at the bottom of the stairs already dressed for running errands in the village. She was a handsome woman, not very tall, with a round face and coffee black eyes, her mousy brown hair was tied neatly into a bun dressed in a cloth with the print of an Iris flower on it, She looked every big like the worry wort she was always making a fuss when things didn't go just so. She kissed her son on the cheek and told him to try not to eat to much on the job before he opened the shoji door into the kitchen where his father and sister where already starting for the day.

"Morning Dad, morning Ayame." Naruto greeted, his father concentrated on filling the pots gave him a small smile before getting back to work. The man was dedicated, that's for sure.

"Morning Naruto, could you start working on the noodles?" Ayame asked. His sister always made it a point to dump the heavy lifting on him since he was the boy, though he couldn't exactly fault her for that. She was significantly smaller then he was despite being the older sister and had the frame of a slender model rather then a food service worker. Naruto always felt a twinge of envy when they where counting tips at the end of the day, her pretty face framed by her chestnut brown hair put her miles ahead when dealing with the hornier customers like the closet pervert who ogled her from behind those dorky sunglasses.

So Naruto begun the day by preparing the noodles. Treat the flour with salt and water before leaving the dough to rise before it is stretched, cut into strands and ready to be cooked fresh in the broth. Next came butchering the meat delivery, while Ayame cut the vegetables and Dad prepared the tonkotsu broth by boiling the bleached pork bones and then the master stock was done next a whole chicken, vegetables and fish sauce. Naruto's mouth watered at the scent of the simmering broths as he watched the steam rise from the large pots, the tonkotsu's milky texture already had marrow and pork fat rising to the top while the master stock was almost ready to be separated into batches of shio, shoyu and miso. It was a practiced rhythm Naruto had lived by since he was old enough to help his families' restaurant.

Next the closed sign was flipped to open and the day _really _began; people from all over the diverse ninja village would come following their nose and growling stomach to the comfort only a warm bowl of soup could provide. Breakfast was a big seller for miso, the clientele likely hoping to keep a somewhat traditional breakfast. The typical breakfast customer was the genin short on time, hoping to get a thermos or cup filled on the go, craftsmen and other village workers like the carpenters and construction workers liked to stop by for a hearty breakfast before a days work, Naruto figured they where either unwilling or unable to cook their own meals.

By ten o'clock the shop slowed down and the blond would lug a few bags of flour from the storehouse back to the ramen bar. Naruto usually grumbled about having to be the one to do it, but with his father's bad back and his sister's slight stature the duty without fail fell to him. It wasn't all bad though, it was actually a decent work out. He was no ninja but the blond wouldn't bet against himself in an arm wrestle after having to carry the bags from point A to point B day in and day out. After he got back Ayame would take over noodle making duty, while he kept to the front of house and served the stray customers that visited between the big meals.

The lunch rush came next, plenty of people from all walks of the village life would come by to sample the ramen at Ichiraku, ninja, craftsmen, tourists. For them all Naruto put on his best manners and most dashing smile, serving ramen with energetic gusto. You got to hear about all kinds of stories in this line of work especially the wacky sort the ninja had to deal with on what seemed like a near constant basis; he'd heard it all being scratched by chasing after cats, to cross dressing assassins from foreign countries and even about a rampaging tanuki monsters making a muck of the chunin exams.

It was honestly a little hard to believe some of the things they said happened on a semi-regular basis in real life.

After the customers began to leave one by one the family would clean up the bar before putting up the closed sign while they took a break for lunch. Mom would stop by and the family of four would sit in the back and have meal together. By that time Naruto was itching to down a few bowls of ramen for himself. Ayame would scold him for not expanding his palette but Naruto had to wonder why he would he bother going out and wasting his money on some lesser sort of food that he didn't even like when he could eat his favorite for free. He loved ramen, he loved every topping from menma to the fishcakes that shared his name, every type from shio, shoyu, tonkatsu, miso, fresh, or instant it didn't matter ramen was ramen and he loved it. He loved to slurp down the noodles, he loved the warm feeling you got in your stomach after you drank the rest of the soup, he even loved the slick feeling in your throat from the fat in the broth.

Natsuki would always have some some of her home cooking ready in the back but Naruto never failed to help himself to at least one bowl. Teuchi would laugh and tease Ayame asking why she couldn't be more like her brother was and embrace the broth that ran through their veins, she would counter by pointing out that Naruto was adopted. Mom would ask him if he served any pretty kunoichi yet and then would tease Naruto about what she called his ramen belly (that never got any less embarrassing). Usually though they would would gossip about customers inevitably it always came back to the shinobi that stopped by though after dealing with hundreds of customers the family had to start distinguishing them by features because names just got muddled in a sea of takeout tickets and receipts.

"He's to old for you, you know." Naruto laughed as his sister turned beet red.

"He's twenty-six that's barely five years older than I am!"Ayame yelled across the table nearly spilling her rice in her indignation as she began to glare daggers at Naruto.

"Really? I thought I heard he was thirty." He shot back with a mouthful of noodles. He decided on plain old shio ramen today, if they where having rice with lunch it didn't feel right to eat a heavier bowl.

"No your thinking of the other boy, the lanky one with eye patch." Teuchi corrected as his son mouthed an oh as he remembered.

"Scarecrow Guy? I didn't see his face what was so great about him?" Naruto asked, apparently his face was quite the sight to behold but he had been replacing the chopsticks when it happened and missed the entire thing.

"He's probably just the most beautiful guy I'd ever seen." Ayame said dreamily, remembering the rare glimpse they got of the masked man's face.

"What about Iruka? He's not beautiful?" Naruto asked. He thought his sister was pretty into the chunin since they stopped calling him Scar at the table and started using his real name.

"He's handsome! It's completely different, besides I'm so over pretty boys. They're nice when your sixteen but when you get older you start to want to date someone that isn't prettier then you are." Ayame explained as if it was the most matter of fact thing. Naruto didn't buy it though; if Scarecrow Guy always wore his mask then she'd still be the pretty one right?

"But do you really want to date a ninja sweetie? What if he gets incinerated while their out on a mission?" Natsuki wondered fretting over the idea of her daughter becoming a young widow. Naruto rolled his eyes; like always his mother was getting carried away.

"Iruka teaches at the Academy Mom! He doesn't go out on missions very often." Ayame argued starting to get really flustered at her family discussing her love life in such a cavalier way over lunch. But Naruto wasn't about to let his sister off the hook just like that.

"Plus it's not like Iruka's actually asked Ayame out on a date anyway, I think it's a bit too soon to start picking out their wedding china and funeral arrangements."

"Naruto!"

"What? It's true!"

"What about you Naruto? You like Pinky right?" Teuchi asked, trying to defuse the midday meal tension, the last thing he needed was to clean up if his children got into a food fight before they opened for dinner.

"Sakura? I think she might be seeing the eyebrow guy." Naruto said thinking of the pretty rose haired medical ninja, he squinted as he strained to remember exactly what he had overheard Ponytail tell Pineapple Head and Swirly about her love life when they stopped by for dinner last week.

"The Eyebrow Guy? I thought she was dating that grim looking boy she always hangs out with." Natsuki chimed as she tried to remember who was who. Usually she didn't work a shift until later in the day so she missed some of the more fun customers.

"I think Mr Serious is her teammate and Eyebrow Guy is her boyfriend. But if Eyebrow Guy is dating her that means Knockers is still available right?" Ayame asked hoping to get her brother a little flushed at the idea of the bosomy young girl.

"Knockers? You mean Hinata right?" Naruto asked, knowing they could only be talking about the same girl. It was pretty hard to miss why the family gave her that nickname.

"Is she the one with the white eyes?" Natsuki asked still struggling to keep up with the family gossip.

"Yeah I think her brother is on Eyebrow Guys team." Teuchi wondered out loud, the two customers rarely stopped by the ramen bar together but when they did everyone could feel the dark tension between the two that only a family feud could provide.

"I don't think they get along either. The poor girl, I think he bullies her." Ayame shook her head, at the sadness of the situation. She and Naruto argued sure but over normal sibling stuff, it had to be some ninja problems she figured.

"Maybe if you beat up her brother she'll go out with you." Teuchi suggested, kill two birds with one stone. He was nothing if not a practical man. "Save the damsel in distress she'll be all over you."

"They're ninja Dad! Naruto can't beat up a ninja." Ayame argued, she hoped Naruto wouldn't get the bright idea into challenging one to fight for the honor of a girl he barely knew.

"Yeah and Hinata might be too into Eyebrow Guy to just go out with me if I just ask her," Naruto scrutinized, "If I wanted to ask her out, I probably would have to beat up her brother or something."

"Wait, Do you memorize the girls names?" Ayame asked just noticing now that her brother's rare use of a customer's proper name.

"Only the pretty ones." Naruto admitted, it's not like he had a crush on the girls or anything but they were at least attractive enough to be of nominal importance.

"What about eyebrow guys team mate?" Teuchi inquired, Naruto knew he meant it was that girl with the high pitched voice and the Chinese style clothing.

"Knocker's brother?" Ayame asked as she struggled to remember who was the third member of eyebrow guys three man cell. She didn't seem very notable from what she remembered.

"No, he's talking about hairbuns." Naruto said reminding his sister, who nodded obviously making the connection.

"You don't think hairbuns is pretty?" Ayame asked, starting to wonder if her brothers standards were too high. Sure Hairbuns was a little nondescript but she was still pretty if not quite as striking as Pinky or well-endowed as Knockers.

"I know it's a little shallow but I really don't like her hair. It makes me think of dango." Naruto replied lamely as he drank the rest of his broth. It was almost time to open again just him and Ayame while Teuchi went out for his break with their mother.

* * *

Naruto waved his parents away, they wouldn't be back until a half hour before the dinner rush started. The blond rubbed his hands together giddily heading back to the ramen pots, if Dad was away this meant Naruto could sneak an extra bowl of ramen without getting scolded for his gluttony.

"Man it's always so slow before the dinner rush." Naruto mused through a mouthful of shoyu ramen, letting the light but salted soy flavor coat his tongue as he savored the broth soaked noodles.

"That doesn't mean you can go eating the profits. If your still eating when dad gets back he's gonna let mom put you on that diet." Ayame joked as she leisurely wiped down the invisible smudges on the pristine counter-top. "I don't know how you're not tired of ramen, you just ate a bowl for lunch."

"What can I say; it's a labor of love." Naruto retorted as he slurped the rest of the bowl. Truth be told he really should think of cutting back but how could he resist when he was working exclusively with his favorite food.

"Well don't get started on fourths now, we have a customer." Ayame whispered as she elbowed Naruto in the side, he nodded quickly transitioning into what he called his host mode, putting on the most pleasant smile he could as he put the bowl under the bar.

"Welcome to Ichiraku Ramen! Can I take your-" Naruto greeted before he began to trail off as he realized how little mind the customer paid him. He was an older fellow, tall, broad with long bushy wild white hair and a weathered face marked with red tattoos that began under his eyes, eyes that where wandering down to his sister's ass through the take out window.

Naruto resisted the urge to punch the man right in the big ugly wart on his nose; even the most lewd customers like the ninja with the round sunglasses did a better job at hiding how big a pervert he was.

"Ayame! I think this guy would prefer if you took his order." Naruto said not trusting himself to deal with a customer that was ogling his sister.

"I'm busy right now Naruto, don't be rude to the customer and talk like he isn't right there!" Ayame scolded muttering a few unintelligible words under her breath that sounded remarkably like dumbass. Naruto frowned inwardly, that would be the last time he ever worried about defending his sisters honor.

The customer however perked up at the sound of his name, as he stared at Naruto eyes wide open as if he was realizing something very important not breaking his gaze as whatever revelations he was having begun to take of in his head.

The blond ramen cook couldn't help but feel a bit uncomfortable and started to wonder silently if this is what it felt like to be the one being eye humped by a customer.

"Ummm sir? Are you feeling alright?" Naruto asked cautiously somewhat afraid what the man's answer would be.

"Yes, yes of course. Sorry about that, I was just realizing where I've seen your face before! Your about twenty pounds too heavy but you really look just like him!" The old man laughed as if he had just reunited with an old friend.

Weirdo.

Naruto could feel his host persona wearing off into a frown, wondering just what the old man was talking about. Had this guy lost his marbles? And was the crack about his weight really necessary? Still, the ramen-nut figured a crazy person's money is just as good as a sane ones and Dad never liked losing a sale.

But what his dad didn't know couldn't hurt him.

"Look sir, I'm not exactly sure what you're talking about or if you got your brain damaged on a mission or if your some sort of bisexual pedophile. But this bar is for paying customers so…"

The strange man just laughed at the ramen chefs less then hospitable attitude, the excitement not waning from him for a second.

"Of course, of course! Your absolutely right, get me a bowl of tonkotsu with extra pork and fish cakes."

Naruto eyed the strange man suspiciously as he wrote down the order, he knew ninja could be an endless parade of freak shows but this guy was definitely breaching his top ten of weird customers.

"Could I get a name for the receipt?" Naruto asked awkwardly trying to avoid making small talk with the tattooed old shinobi.

"Jiraiya! Perhaps you've heard of me? Some call me the great Toad Sage of Mount Myboku." Jiraiya said smugly as he introduced himself.

The young man wracked his brain as he labelled the order and put it in the take out window for Ayame. He wasn't exactly sure about any of this mountain toad stuff but the name Jiraiya did seem familiar somehow…

"Wait! THE Jiraiya!? You're the guy who writes those trashy romance novels!?" Naruto exclaimed starting to feel much more violated by the old man's unbreaking gaze. Was this guy coming onto him?

"The one and the same!" he laughed, figures the guy who wrote those books would know better than anyone just how trashy they were.

'I really hope you wash those hands regularly.' Naruto thought while stifling the urge to vomit as he took the money from Jiraiya, unable to keep himself from shuddering from the idea of indirect contact with the old pervert.

"Order up for Jiraiya!" Came Ayame's voice placing the bowl in the takeout window, Naruto grabbed it quickly forcing in front of the old man in an uncomfortable silence. The shinobi hadn't stopped looking him over since his sister mentioned his name and it was really starting to freak him out.

"Enjoy." He said uncomfortably.

"So Naruto… That's a fitting name for a ramen cook isn't it? Of course that's how I got your name you know, I was eating a bowl of ramen just like this one." He said before pausing to take a taste. "I guess that makes me your Godfather doesn't it, Naruto?"

Naruto could only squirm at the old man's words, as he began to connect the dots. Maybe this guy knew his birth parents? How would they have known this old pervert anyway? Maybe his birth parents didn't really die in the Ninetails incident and were really sex trade workers that didn't want to raise a kid when they got themselves knocked up?

Stranger things had happened after all.

"Okay, enough beating around the bush. What do you want with me old man? Are you my biological grandpa or something cuz I'm telling you now if you're looking for a guy to pay for your home nurse or invest in your next orgy you're barking up the wrong tree, because my parents pay my salary and frankly it's not great."

"Real straight shooter aren't you? Alright I'll level with ya, then" Jiraiya said putting down his chopsticks, his sly and jovial demeanor shifting to a deadly serious one. "I was your father's teacher, he was the Fourth Hokage and inside your body, he sealed the nine tailed fox before he died."

No one said a word for the next five minutes as Naruto felt himself frozen by the gravity of the man's words. Realizing how foolish he must have looked in front of Jiraiya he tried to force out a few words.

"Come again?" Naruto asked still trying to understand what the elder ninja was trying to say. "My father was who? And there's what now in my body?"

"The Fourth Hokage, Namikaze Minato. And before he died you were made the vessel for the Ninetails just like your mother was before you." He repeated, no hint of humor or joking in his voice.

The pregnant pause returned and settled over the ramen bar as he began to process the information. He always knew he was adopted; it wasn't exactly a house secret since that time he cut off the head of Ayame's Shinobi Suzu doll and she told him in anger when he was six. But he never really wondered what his birth parents were like; they were supposedly dead as door nails after all. Could he actually be right? Was he the son of the late Fourth Hokage?

And if he was what exactly did he have to gain from telling him?

"Oh God you're here to kill me and get revenge by proxy aren't you?!" Naruto accused. Long lost relatives, secret legacies, genocidal god beasts living inside him like an internal parasite. This was all getting a bit to soap opera for his liking.

"What? Why would I kill you? I loved your parents like they were my own children!"

"Oh yeah, that's just what an assassin would say. Lure me into a false sense of security and then BAM I get a chopstick in the eye!"

"Would it help if I told you I'm not here to jam a chopstick in your eye?"

"A little, but are you _really_ sure you got the right guy? I mean I'm adopted but there are plenty of orphans in the leaf I mean it's a ninja village."

"I'll admit I didn't put the pieces together with my first look at you, but after I heard your name I could just tell that you are their son. Hang on a sec." Jiraiya explained before reaching into one of the weapon pouches on the back of his belt, rummaging until he dug out an old photograph, "Here look for yourself."

Naruto hesitantly took the photo from him, gulping before he took a look. It was of a young couple; he was handsome blond man who bore a remarkable resemblance to himself the Fourth Hokage by the looks of the formal white robe and red hat he was holding in his hand and next to him was a beautiful red haired woman who he had to assume was his heavily pregnant wife, they were over the moon probably just celebrating his new achievement, it had to have been a formal portrait taken not long after he had become Hokage. Naruto's eye crinkled into a dopey squint studied their appearances; The shape of the woman's face, the man's hairline... They certainly looked like they could be his birth parents.

Naruto sighed as the idea started to set in his head; he wasn't exactly expecting such a bombshell of information right of the blue like this. All the thinking was starting to make him dizzy, but that might just be because he didn't get to eat that fourth bowl.

"It's pretty convincing… But I'm not sure what it is you really want from me." Naruto muttered plainly, still overwhelmed by the entire situation, the son of the Hokage. What would his parents have to say about that? What if his parents knew?

Nah that wasn't likely, if Mom knew she wouldn't stop bragging about it and Dad would probably change the restaurant name to Hokage Ramen to cash in on his lineage.

He wasn't the only one deep in thought though; Jiraiya's face had fallen as if he was realizing he _wasn't_ exactly sure what he wanted from him either. Naruto couldn't help but regret his choice of words; this man had just discovered his long lost Godson and the last living link to his the people he considered his children and he pretty much just stomped on his heart like it was a cockroach.

"I mean, ummm… " Naruto stuttered gawkily trying to overcome the awkward gloom that had started to overcast the entire conversation before blurting out the first thing he could think of. "You gotta show me some of your ninjutsu some time!"

Jiraiya was startled out of his stupor at the comment, seeing him begin to brighten mood brighten up, Naruto figured he could probably make the old pervert's day by showing some interest in what he did.

"Like I'm not a ninja … So I've never really seen anything that magic stuff you guys can do up close. Maybe you could show me one of those tricks!"

"You're interested in ninjutsu?" Jiraiya's face lit up like a kid on Christmas but Naruto couldn't shake the feeling that the infernal hamster wheel was turning inside the old perverts head. But despite himself, the ramen cook found his mouth was running on autopilot at this point.

"Of course! Every kid dreams about being the strongest ninja around! It's actually kind of cool to think that my biological dad was the Hokage."

"Well why don't you come on and I'll show you a few of the jutsu that made your dad the Hokage!" Jiraiya exclaimed.

Uh oh. That's what that feeling was, he didn't really think he could be a ninja could he?

"Wait what?"

"Just you wait; I'll make a ninja out of you in no time."

"But- The ramen stand and-" Naruto began to sputter out, it was exactly as he feared. It's not like he never thought about being a ninja before. But he never really considered it as a serious career path. Ramen was his calling!

"Of course you'll have to take your genin equivalency exam. You'll be on probation for a while but that just gives you and me more time to train."

"Ninja! I'm not sure I have-"

"C'mon we got lots of work to do before you can take the exam, I'm gonna cram the entire academy curriculum into your brain before the weeks over!" Jiraiya said practically dragging Naruto out of the ramen bar.

"Ayame if I don't come back tell Mom and Dad I love them!" Naruto yelled before deciding to just follow after him. Who knows, maybe being a ninja would be fun.

"Wait what?" Ayame said poking her head out of the takeout window just in time to see Naruto being half dragged off by the old ninja.

* * *

"So... Apparently I'm a ninja's apprentice now."

Naruto was never very good a delivering big news. So he decided to just announce it himself with it when he stumbled home after practically being abducted by his would be Godfather. He was sore all over covered in smudges of dirt and bruises from his first lesson, evidently Jiraiya believed in a practical get out of the gates running sort of teaching method.

"What happened to you Naruto!" his mother practically fussed as she rushed to the door to clean off her younger child, if she was ever mad about him playing hooky she had obviously discard the thought after seeing her battered and bruised son. His father and sister rushed in as well ushering him into the house and sitting him down with a cup of hot ramen (Something Naruto found infinitely more comforting then tea), bombarding him with questions about everything to where he had been to why he had to get in a scuffle while wearing his good uniform. It seemed like it was probably be a good idea to explain what happened in more detail.

"Well it started when this old pervert came to the restaurant, first he was staring at Ayame but then he was staring at me, I told him he had to order something or he'd get kicked out but then he handed me money and I was afraid I might get VD from his taking it and then he told me my birth dad was the Fourth Hokage and I'm a living dog house to the ninetailed fox and then I made him sad which made me sad so I tried to cheer him up so I started talking about ninjutsu and then he kidnapped me and now I think I'm in training to be a killing machine."

"Wait, what?"

Naruto took a breath realizing he wasn't doing a very good job explaining things. So he slowed down and told his family everything as he had found ti out himself, sixteen years ago the Ninetails had attacked the village and his late birth parents died in the fight and sealed it in his body. Now his birth father's teacher the famous Toad Sage Jiraiya had taken it upon himself to personally tutor him in the art of ninjutsu like he did for Minato.

His mother went a little hysterical at this point, something about her poor baby having such a rough day wondering if they should call the police and get the Toad Sage committed. Teuchi was a bit less so, more invested in the idea that Naruto might not be there to inherit the secret recipes of his ramen when the time was right. Ayame however focused more on the fact that his new Godfather was a known sexual predator.

"Wait so what does the demon fox part mean? Are you gonna like turn into a super powered all-knowing God, or are you just going to start hearing it barking in your head?" Ayame asked, she _really_ seemed to be amused by the entire situation.

"I think it's supposed to be both of those or neither. Or was that his joke answer?" Naruto said as he tried to remember exactly what Jiraiya had said. He was saying something about great power and danger but his head was spinning enough when he did so it was hard to say exactly he was talking about. "But he said I shouldn't produce any pet dander so good news for Mom's allergies."

"That's sweet of you to ask about that Naruto." His mother asked finally calming down from her hysterics and adjusting to the idea of her son exploring a new career path. "So are you going to be in training long before you get to become an official genin?"

"Wait, I thought I was going to let him down gently tomorrow?"

"Well you should at least consider it, it's a great opportunity and I'd hate for you to always look back and regret never trying." Natsuki admitted, even though she wasn't fond of her son living the life of a ninja.

"I suppose I could always try being a ninja, it doesn't have to be a permanent job right? I mean I remember wanting be a ninja after I saw those Princess Fuun movies when I was little." Naruto admitted, though he always considered ninja to be a bit of an insane idea. But his mother was right, he was getting a chance to train with one of the greatest ninja the leaf had ever trained.

Maybe it was in his blood to be a ninja and it wouldn't be quite as hard as he though.

"Exactly your just sixteen, if you don't like it you can always come back to the family business."

"What if he does take to being a ninja though? Then who will take over when I retire?" Teuchi asked nervously, he had worked hard on perfecting the art of ramen cooking and hoped to pass it down to his son.

"Ayame could be the one to inherit the Ramen Bar." Natsuki said in a matter of fact way, Naruto could feel his face become a bit crestfallen at the idea. Ayame was hardly half the ramen connoisseur he was.

"Wait, I don't get the restaurant when you guys are gone?" Maybe ninjutsu wasn't looking to be such a good idea after all.

"If your Hokage you can't very well run a restaurant." Naruto rolled his eyes; it was just like his mother to already be carried away with an idea. He hadn't even studied ninjutsu for a day.

"Naruto can have the Ramen Bar, he can just outsource!" Ayame said, not too keen on being the one to inherit the family business.

"But that means letting my secret recipes outside the family!" Teuchi whined while Natsuki gave him a pat on the back.

"You're not getting any younger dear, and if Naruto is learning ninjutsu we're going to have to hire a helper to fill in when he's busy anyway." Naruto couldn't help but laugh at his dads childish pout.

"Well I think do got to give it a try then, I mean how hard can it be?"

If he really was the son of the Fourth Hokage and a descendant of the Uzumaki clan then ninjutsu had to come easy to him wouldn't it?

* * *

Naruto was knocked flat on his back for hardly the first time that day. It had been two weeks into his training with Jiraiya and it was going about as badly as it could have. Daylight hours where spent doing martial arts drills and calisthenics while the Toad Sage lectured him on the theory behind chakra control. Every night he returned home where spent on homework with his nose in a bunch of boring old scrolls learning the history of the village and jutsu theory. His fingers where in a constant cramp from the odd signs he was forced to practice to try and mold the chakra into a usable form.

"What components make up chakra?" The older man barked, easily grabbing Naruto's foot after he made a clumsy kick and hurling him upward causing the ramen chef turned ninja tumbling down in a spectacular face-plant.

If Naruto's taijutsu was making any progress it was at a snails pace. The boy had remarkable stamina for someone who was living such a sedentary and overfed lifestyle and had the strength to throw a mean punch. But he lacked any sort of speed or technique to compliment any of his strong points, to even a moderately trained Academy Student every blow he tried to make may has well been in slow motion in a cheesy action flick.

"Physical energy and..." Naruto coughed as he picked his sore body off the floor for the second time in a single minute, his mouth was bloody from the fall and his belly was probably black and blue from that last failure. His bones ached, his knuckles where sore and scraped, even his hair hurt and that didn't even make sense. "Psychic energy? No that's not right. Spiritual Energy right?"

"Good, good." Jiraiya smiled as Naruto dipped back into a traditional taijutsu stance as he tried to catch his breath, the toad sage had to admire his tenacity but his skill... Well that was a different story. The Toad Sage motioned the boy to try attacking again, easily ducking under the boys punch and sweeping the boys legs from under him with his arm. "Your stance is to narrow, if you don't have a solid base you'll be an easy target to knock down."

"Maybe I'm not cut out for this ninja stuff." Naruto groaned on his back. He was seriously beginning to doubt his new career path.

Son of Minato Namikaze or not he didn't seem to have knack for taijutsu nor did he have the manual dexterity to preform hand seals to even think on using ninjutsu or genjutsu yet and while he was learning the theory of of chakra fairly well any sort of practical application to the ninja arts had still eluded him. It was like he was trying to catch water with a net.

"Your not giving up are you Naruto?" Jiraiya asked helping the boy up this time as he motioned for them to take a break.

Naruto wanted to say yes of course he was, he wasn't a ninja, he didn't know if he would ever be able to breathe fire or grow claws or even catch the stupid cat the genin where always complaining about.

His turbulent emotions warring with each other making his head into a battlefield. He was ashamed, ashamed at how he could think of squandering such an opportunity by even thinking about quitting, he tried to think remember what his dad always said; that the best broth would have to simmer the longest. But that was making soup, this was honing his mind and body into a weapon and things would only get harder. What if he never got better? What if he walked into a mission one day and was killed in an instant by some rogue ninja who wanted the Ninetails? His mom, his dad, his sister they would be left behind to grieve.

The boy could only remain silent out of his frustration.

"I know what your thinking," Jiraiya sighed, trying to find the exact words he wanted to say to Naruto, "You know neither my parents where ninja either. My dad used to be an accountant and my mother repaired clothes. Your old man- the Fourth his parents used to sell fish down at the market, he had to beg his parents to let him attend the Shinobi Academy."

The blond could tell his Godfather was trying to cheer him up from the lack of progress, he knew he meant well but it was still hard to believe he would ever make something of himself as a ninja. He probably sucked more this week then anyone ever did in the history of ninjutsu.

"Your mother though, she was born into a long line of Shinobi. The once powerful Uzumaki Clan; they used to run their own country before it was destroyed in the war you know? But she came here before that happened, to become the vessel for the Ninetails just like you." He explained as Naruto stared at him letting the words sink in. "People like you guys. They have sort of a history you know; dehumanization, imprisonment, abuse, hate from everyone they are meant to protect with the demons power. Your mother lived a hard life, everyone rooted for her to fail because of what she was even if she was an Uzumaki."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"What I'm trying to say is, being a shinobi is hard no matter what walk of life your from. You might not have the talent, the look, or the background but that's what a true shinobi is, someone who has the will to persevere and the guts to never give up." he said smiling as he gave his pupil a pat on the back. It was a nice gesture but really it just sent more pain down his back.

But as corny as it was, it did make Naruto feel a bit better to think maybe he didn't suck quite as much as he really did.

"Why do you want me to be a shinobi so badly?"

Jiraiya paused wondering if he was ready for what he had to say. Toying with the idea of being honest and just telling him. 'Well an ancient toad told me if you don't become a powerful messiah among shinobi that the known world would just fester into a new age of chaos and ruin. But no pressure.'

"I just thought you could stand to lose a little weight."

"Oh ha ha."

* * *

"_Wouldn't you like to become a powerful shinobi when you're older Naruto?"_

"_No way! I want to make the best ramen in the world like my dad does!"_

Hiruzen pinched the top of his nose to stop the headache from spreading. It had been 9 years ago that Naruto had said those words. Those words that made his whole world stand still if only for a moment. Naruto a jinchuriki would rather sling servings of ramen then shuriken.

Despite his better judgement he could not bear to tell him, tell his parents the true nature of the boy they raised with as much love as their trueborn daughter about the dark power lurking inside him. When Teuchi and Natsuki had adopted Naruto the day after the Ninetails attacked he always just assumed that Naruto would enroll in the shinobi academy once he had come of age. When he didn't, he had every intention to explain the situation…

That was the plan until he had visited Ichiraku Ramen, there an adorable young boy with a shock of messy blond hair and electric blue eyes just a few years senior to his own grandson Konohamaru. Laughing with his father, fighting with his sister, clinging to his mother, it was everything he had hoped for when Naruto was adopted, A happy family. The smell of ramen was inviting and the happy company of the family infectious and Hiruzen had found himself sitting down at the bar and there Naruto was smiling as he stood on a stool behind the bar handing him a large bowl hot bowl of miso ramen with extra pork fillet.

_"Dad says you're an extra special customer! So your first bowl is free, it's the best kind of ramen too!"_

And like that Hiruzen decided to let it go. If Naruto didn't wish to pursue ninjutsu then that would be entirely up to him. He often found himself wondering if there would be consequences for his actions if anyone found out about what truly happened that day. He always figured it would be from Danzo, his old friend always had to be there to try and force the idea of bolstering the despite the worlds current armistice and formal disarmament agreement.

He had made sure to give Naruto a life of autonomy, outside himself nary a soul was aware what happened to the Ninetails that day.

"So Sarutobi-sensei what do you think? I know he's not up to snuff just yet but we're working on it."

Himself and Jiraiya anyway.

"How did you even find the boy after all these years?" Hiruzen took a long drag of his pipe before exhaling the smoke in another deep sigh. The genin equivalency exam was rarely taken because adults who wished to become ninja rarely honed their skills enough on their own to finish the required curriculum.

"You did good you sly devil, hiding him in plain sight like that. I mean it was just the darnedest thing, I stop by for some ramen and there he is!"

"I kept him from you because I was afraid of this happening. Are you absolutely certain that his is what he wants? I don't want you pressuring the poor boy into something."

"Naruto? C'mon sensei, you can't be senile already! Of course he wants to be ninja! How could he not?You think he really wants to keep wasting his life serving ramen all day? Its in his blood."

Hiruzen sighed, at his student's excitement. When Jiraiya had learned of Minato and Kushina's passing sixteen years ago he was devastated, he didn't even think to inquire about Naruto in his grief and he could scarcely lay any blame on the man's shoulders. It had been a tragic year with so many live lost.

Obito, Rin, Minato, Kushina and even Biwako his own darling wife had disappeared from their lives one after another. His prized pupil Orochimaru was exposed for his horrific crimes and fled the village, it was the last straw for Jiraiya to see his closest comrade vanish into the darkness.

And so Jiraiya to had vanished into his work and scarcely visited the home that served as a living monument to all of his failures. For years he avoided coming back to the village, avoided the godson he abandoned when blinded by sorrow until it was too late and Naruto had grown up a normal boy away from ninjutsu and away from his lineage by people who loved him when he wasn't there.

Hiruzen could still remember those ill times himself. He would always carry a dull ache in his heart from that year, It was near impossible for him to come out of retirement, to stay strong through suffocating void of his own grief. It was only thanks to his children that he was able to move on and be strong for the village once again, but Jiraiya didn't have that, his children died that day and his dreams died with them.

But it was like a miracle when Jiraiya had found Naruto last month; he saw something in Jiraiya's eyes that he hadn't seen in a long time. The Toad Sage had finally begun to find hope again he demanded that he be allowed to train Naruto, it was his chance at redemption for failing the boy and his parents sixteen years ago. Hiruzen only hoped his pupil wouldn't be blinded by his own dreams to realize, Naruto wasn't Minato.

"There are two other students who have passed their exam earlier this year in the Academy. They are currently waiting til the years end for the rest of their class to catch up. You have until the terms end for Naruto to pass the equivalency exam and you will take the other two as your pupils."

"The more the merrier! So who are the little geniuses that'll be keeping Naruto company?" Hiruzen could see he was practically giddy at the go ahead to make Naruto a full fledged shinobi.

"One of them is the heiress to the Main Family of the Hyuga clan, I believe Hanabi is her name."

"A Hyuga huh?" Jiraiya mused, but he knew the Will of Fire ran burn inside them like an inferno. "So what about the other one."

"I believe you've heard about my grandson, Konohamaru..."

_Chapter End_

* * *

Well here is the fruits of my labor, I had often wrested with the plot bunny of a Naruto who was adopted. But not by the average powerful ninja who took pity on them. But by a quiet family of normal people who aren't even ninja. I know the idea is fairly alien but I am happy I finished the pilot chapter. Whether or not I continue is still up in the air. I do worry this will be to out there to continue and that I may be assaulted by fans who would rather not see a character they identify with as a more average person but nothing ventured, nothing gained I supposed.

I would have liked if this chapter set the tone of the story a little better however because this is supposed to be more of an action comedy but I felt it necessary to include Sarutobi's and Jiraiya's reasons for what they do. Which are a bit heavier then I thought they would turn out. But if you do come back, expect the new chapters to hopefully be a bit funnier.

Leave a review and I'll try my best to respond! Until next time.


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